i know i haven’t been on here in quite a bit, and there has been a reason for that.
i went through a series of unfortunate events (not meant to be funny or “punny” in any way) that caused me to seriously question whether i wanted to continue riding and/or being a part of the equestrian community.
i also let my mental health slip too far, and for someone that has suffered from anxiety since she was little and has had on and off bouts of depression since she was 16, this was the worst thing i could have done.
for those of you curious, i am not ashamed at all of my mental health or of speaking about it. why? because everyone has their own story. everyone has their own issues. some of us are just more private than others. with the amount of mental health issues i’ve been exposed to, whether it be from myself, friends, family, or others with whom i’ve come in contact, i have vowed myself to always be an advocate for mental health and to never be ashamed to speak on it.
but, i have worked on myself this year. i’ve worked on myself hard. my love for riding has come back. i have been off of twitter for almost a year, and to be quite frank, that is the best decision i could have made for myself.
i am writing this to let y’all know i have not given up. i have rekindled my love for riding, and i am trying to make up for the time i lost when i was riddled with anxiety, going through a ton of shit, and unable to move sometimes because i was so paralyzingly sad, hurt, scared, and more.
the one thing i learned is i don’t need to care about anyone else’s thoughts but my own because i will never be liked by anyone. i will never have 100% of my audience agreeing with me. i will always have someone who is trying to bring me down.
but as i said in the very beginning of when this blog went viral, hate is a sign i’m doing something right.
i no longer want to talk about the unfortunate, negative things that happened.
i feel at home on a horse again.
my migraines have gone from 20 a month to 3 – 5 a month thanks to a brand new drug called Aimovig (i plan on doing a post on this miracle drug, but if you suffer from migraines, please ask your doctor about this medication or research it. it truly has changed my life).
i plan on relaunching this blog, and i plan on doing it while being my true, authentic, genuine self. i will not censor. i will not post something to please others (or cease from posting something to please others). i plan on providing you with the content you all have come to love + expect from this medium. i have new rider interviews lined up, new product reviews lined up, and tons of ideas for brand new content.
but most importantly, beyond me finally coming back to the online space, i want to thank those of you that have stuck with me during this difficult time. the messages asking about me, the texts seeing how i’m doing, the engagement on my Instagram (my main social medium right now), etc.: they have all meant the world to me, and i am so grateful that you guys are my audience because i truly have one of the best audiences in the world.
so thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for sticking with me through the good and the bad, through the rumors and the truths (yup, there’s still rumors circulating out there i’m told). for those of you that have a preconceived notion of me or feel negatively about me but still read this page, i hope you can find it in you to reevaluate your feelings on me and my content and give it another chance. people can change, and the self-work i’ve done this year has been mostly for myself but also for everyone in my life, whether they are close friends or people i barely know.
thank you again, and i look forward to an amazing, quality content filled, beautiful 2019 filled with all of the things i love.