Hi everyone!
I am selling a few SmartPak items that I don’t wear (I literally only wore them once). If interested, click here for the Piper breeches (24R); here for the Alexus SunShield shirt (XS); and here for the Bradley performance short sleeve (XS). I also have a Kensington black horse sized fly mask for sale too – used but affordable. They are for sale only because I a. no longer use them and b. have way too many breeches and shirts.
All prices include shipping.
Happy shopping!
Photo Credit: MyEquiCoach.com
My second to last lesson wasn’t the greatest. Well, I’m pledging to focus on the good, not the bad, so my fall will not be the highlight of my lesson. However, I did have a fall. My horse bucked twice at the canter going one direction; I sat it fine. My horse bucked in the other direction; I got unseated and fell.
I was upset, frustrated, confidence shaken. But I wasn’t as timid about getting back on. I just hated that I fell. I hated that this horse was handing me my ass on a shiny silver platter. I hated that he was exposing me and my weaknesses and my lack of motivation.
I have not been riding as consistently due to my riding funk, which I have talked about extensively, my lack of motivation, the weather, and my horrible, chronic health issues – so, understandably I am weak. I’ve found myself asking “Do I really want the success?” “Do I really want to have to give up one of my horses in order to one day get a true jumper?” “Do I really love riding?” “Is this really my passion?” “Do I really want to do what’s best for me and the animals I own?”
Despite my recent health issues (I had a two week migraine in February, followed by a cold/sore throat stint at the end of February), there were a few times I could’ve gone out and ridden through a cold, especially after popping some Advil and getting my fever down to a manageable level.
After my fall and me getting back on, my trainer gave me some tough love that day.
She said no more excuses (truth). I fell because I hadn’t been riding, and my legs were weak (truth). Riding while having a migraine was one thing she didn’t want me to do because it was dangerous (truth), but if I had a sore throat or a stuffy nose or a mild fever, pop some Advil and force myself to come to the barn (truth). I needed to ride to be strong and make progress (truth). I needed to be present (truth).
That really stuck with me. I needed to be present. I have all these lofty goals, and I am allowing a little funk get in the way of them after all this success and progress I’ve had and made. My trainer (nicely, even though she doesn’t have to be) calls me on my bulls*t and lets me know when I am effing up. I really appreciate her for that. And I know, or at least I hope, she does it because she believes in me and my (somewhat hidden) talent and ability and wants me to get better.
We all go through phases and riding funks. Sometimes we have to take breaks or sometimes we have to force ourselves to get out there and just do it. That’s what I need to go, and that fall was my reality check. I shouldn’t have fallen, especially because I had sat two bucks perfectly prior to that. My horse threw a buck afterwards again, and I sat it and dealt with it perfectly. There was no reason I should’ve fallen.
I hated knowing that I had disappointed my trainer. I see her as a role model and a rider I would like to be like one day. I see her as a friend (hopefully our friendship never ends badly – my biggest fear), and I see her as someone who wants the best for me and my horses. I see her as someone I trust and as someone who pushes me to be the best I can be, even when I doubt myself. “Practice guts,” as she says to quote a well-known blog post.
Be present. Have guts. Push yourself.
And sit that buck, dammit!
For those of you that have followed me for a while, you know I suffer from chronic migraines that often affect my ability to ride.
Ever since my severe concussion last fall, my migraines have been worse, and I was diagnosed with post-traumatic headache syndrome – something that those who suffer from migraines are more prone to.
I have been getting more migraines than usual, and it has taken a severe toll on riding. It also doesn’t help that my migraines are triggered by weather/pressure/temperature changes, which are running rampant this time of year. For example, yesterday it was in the 40s and today, tomorrow, and the rest of the week are going to be in the 70s – 50s!
I have met many people on Twitter and Facebook who suffer from chronic illnesses; yet they battle through and continue their riding careers. If you suffer from a chronic illness, it can be frustrating, debilitating, and make you want to give up your passion – I know it’s done that to me, especially this season.
So, if you suffer from a chronic illness, what can you do?
First, see a doctor who specializes in your illness. Consulting with a medical professional is of the utmost importance. They know what’s best and what can help you. Furthermore, if you shouldn’t be riding (something all of us dread), they will tell you.
Second, ride when you can. For those of us who are affected on a frequent basis, being able to ride is a luxury. If you can ride one day, take advantage of it. You never know when, or if, you’ll be able to ride again – depending on what you suffer from.
Third, power through. If you can, and if it’s safe, power through. I’m not saying if you’re dying of a severe migraine, throwing up, and severely light-sensitive to go get on a horse – but if you are able to ride, do it. I know that if I have a minor headache or am feeling under the weather, getting on a horse and focusing on something else makes me feel better. Sure, it may be hard to get the motivation to get out of bed in the morning and get yourself to go to the barn – but you’ll be glad you did so. As my trainer said, “A migraine is one thing – it’s dangerous to ride with a migraine. But if you’re suffering from a slight fever, pop some Advil, wait for it to subside, and come down to the barn and ride. Be here. You need to be here.”
Fourth, join a support group. There are many support groups online for riders with chronic illnesses. I’ve linked two of my favorites here and here. We can all relate, and we all support each other immensely.
Fifth, be positive. I’m not saying this will cure your disease. Maybe you have something that can’t be cursed. But a positive attitude will help you have a better outlook on you and your riding.
Sixth, listen to your body. Your body will tell you if you are okay to ride on a certain day. If it’s saying no, listen. You don’t want to cause yourself more harm. Trust me.
Most of the time when we have a fall in a lesson, or have some other type of bad thing happen during a lesson, that is what we focus on. And – it’s only natural for us, as humans, to focus on the negative. How many times do we remember the negative said about us but forget the compliments? It’s kind of like when we have a “bad” riding lesson.
I fell off yesterday, and that was all I could dwell on. Nevermind I sat to two bucks prior to that or controlled my horse’s fourth attempt at bucking after I fell. Nevermind I wasn’t as timid about getting back on. Nevermind I fell and didn’t hit my head. Nevermind I had an amazing lesson on my even more amazing behaved 6 year old where I took the right distances to jumps that normally made me uncomfortable. All I could focus on was that dang fall.
If you have a bad lesson, reframe it. Look at what went right; not what went wrong. I know this is hard and will take practice, but this is advice my barn owner gave me, and I realized she was right. I, and others, focus on what went wrong – not what we did right. Hey, I fell correctly (ie., I didn’t hit my head). Hey, I got right back on. Hey, I took those hunter distances without hesitation. Hey, I rode through a fever. Hey, I’m in a huge funk and lacking motivation right now, but I still came out and rode.
Am I sore? Of course. Is my pride a little wounded? Duh.
But, there’s more to a riding lesson than a fall. Or a missed distance. Or a bad course. Or terrible lead changes. Or being unable to get your horse in a frame for some odd reason. Or just being weak physically because of lack of riding time.
If you really look at everything, you can find the good, and that’s what’s most important. That’s what we need to focus on when things don’t always go our way (because listen, our partner has its own mind; things won’t always go our way).
Take the challenge you experienced. Put it in your back pocket. Use it as a learning experience.
Chapeau & I – my eq/jumper lease.
So here in New Jersey, the weather is crazy. One day is in the 60s; the next day it’s 30s and snowing. This has wreaked havoc on my health and frankly, my motivation to ride. I am hoping, wishing, praying this is a winter funk, and that once spring rolls around, I’ll roll out of it and get my mojo back.
The truth is, despite my progress this past (almost) year, I’ve felt deflated, discouraged, and dejected. I’ve had to make some hard decisions, and I’ve also had to make a hard decision to be less personal when it comes to my blog account. While I love sharing my life with you guys, the hate I get from some people is not worth it, and I think it has contributed to this funk I’ve been in (not to give you haters the power, but I’m being honest here).
I have big plans for myself this upcoming year. I’m going to be starting in the low adult hunter and equitation and perhaps the 2’6″ jumpers. I’ve signed up for my very first clinic (2’6″ section, but that’s better than nothing). I am super excited about what I have coming up for me, but the motivation to get my ass in gear is so. damn. hard.
I’ve pinpointed some things that may be contributing to this lack of motivation. Sometimes I think I’ve lost my love for riding, and I think wanting to be super competitive (a goal of mine for many years now) has contributed to that. There’s pressure. A lot of it. But I put that on myself. There is no one doing that but me. I want to qualify for M&S Finals this year. I want to be in the 3′ by December (lofty, but possible given my progress thus far). I have the drive. It’s in there somewhere. I just gotta pull it out again. I gotta find that love again. I gotta tap into that passion.
Despite all this, what’s not helping?
So, what am I going to do? Well, the weather is something over which I have no control, though I wish I did. I was just in Florida for 4 days and felt great. The weather was beautiful. Sunny, 60s and 70s, not a cloud in the sky. Too bad we can’t transplant that up to this part of the east coast.
My health? I am working diligently with my doctor on that. Since my concussion in October, I have been working with my doctor on finding a solution to my post-traumatic headache syndrome. Unfortunately, those prone to chronic migraines (raises hand) are more prone to post-traumatic headache syndrome after a concussion. We are tweaking my medicine; trying physical therapy; and may even try a chiro or acupuncturist – something I’ve been reluctant to do in the past. However, I can live my life like this – that nagging twinge of pain in my head every day. It certainly makes riding harder and less appealing. Even though I’m super young right now, I’m even considering Botox (studies show one shot of Botox leaves you migraine free for at least three months at a time). I am hoping once spring really comes around and the weather steadies, I won’t have to worry about this (my headaches are triggered by pressure changes – another thing I can’t control), but we will see. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
Doubters and lack of support from my friends are something I need to deal with personally. No one knows me or my riding career but me. No one has a say but me. Whether it’s my finances, my show career, what I’m doing – my trainer and I are the only ones who really know the ins and outs of my training, my capabilities, and my progress. Something that people need to realize is social media is curated. We share what we want to share. We don’t always share the positive or the negative. Remember that next time you make a comment about someone’s life. And another thing, you don’t know what the other person is going through. We each have a story; you do too. Your hurtful, negative, jealousy-driven words are more hurtful than you think. Or, if you do know the effect of your words, you’re just a jerk. Sorry.
Nostalgia. Lately, I’ve been feeling nostalgic about the days where there was no pressure to compete. Riding was just riding. I knew I was working up to something – but I wasn’t there yet. I gotta take the pressure off myself, which also addresses that aspect. I have always been a perfectionist. Hell, I got upset if I got less than an A in a class in school. It’s something I need to work on and am working on, but because it’s been engrained in my since I literally started school, it takes some time to break that habit. We’re talking 20+ years of perfectionism here. I need to let go; know it’s okay to make mistakes; and know that I am not always going to be perfect, no matter how much I want to be.
So, that’s why I’ve been absent lately. I’ve been dealing with some heavy stuff – some stuff I’m not addressing in tis post. I appreciate your patience and your loyalty to the blog, and I promise I have more content coming up soon.
By the way, speaking of perfectionism, George Morris’ autobiography is coming out very soon. Get it here
And if you don’t get the perfectionism reference, here’s his famous quote:
Perfect practice makes perfect.
Happy reading!