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The Legal Equestrian

January 21, 2016

Getting to know you… Guest Writer Chloe Friedheim

Chloe Friedheim is our second newest guest writer. Here is her Q&A session!

Chloe and Shimmer. Photo Courtesy of Chloe Friedham.

Chloe and Shimmer. Photo Courtesy of Chloe Friedheim.

How did you get into riding?: My mom rode since she was a teenager, and since she continued to ride when she had children, I sat on a horse before I could walk.

How long have you been riding?: I started riding seriously at age 8, so 8 years now.

Where are you from?: I’m from New Jersey.

Are you in college? If so, what’s your major?: I am not in college, but will be within the next two years. I’m interested in studying history while in college, but of course that can change!

If you’re not in college, what do you do for a living?: I’m a high school student, but I do work at a cafe.

How often do you ride?: Between the erratic weather and selling horses my riding has unfortunately been very inconsistent lately. But, when in a program I ride between 5-6 days a week.

What discipline do you ride?: I ride hunters.

Do you show? In what divisions?: Yes, I show, but haven’t shown in a while due to various reasons. I showed in the children’s hunter horses.

Do you own or lease a horse? Tell us about him or her.: I own two horses, but one of them was recently leased out. Shimmer is a Thoroughbred, whom I showed in the children’s hunters. Shimmer has been in our family for about 7/8 years, and he was recently leased out. Levi is a 6yr old Hanoverian who went to Wellington for a couple weeks this year, and he is green but very talented.

Chloe & Shimmer. Photo Courtesy of Chloe Friedham.

Chloe & Shimmer. Photo Courtesy of Chloe Friedheim.

What made you want to write for TLE?: I enjoy writing and write countless essays for my English class, but it is much more enjoyable to write when you are genuinely interested in the topic, so writing for an equestrian blog was a great match.

What has been your favorite article you’ve written?: I interviewed Erin McGuire, and it was fascinating to learn more about such an accomplished equestrian and student, especially one I have followed on social media.

How do you come up with ideas for TLE articles?: I see the trends in the media, and if I have a product that is popular or that I think will become popular, I write about it. When I go to a noteworthy place, for example WEF, and I think that our readers will take something away from it, I write about that.

What are your riding goals for this year?: To keep progressing, even through the cold winter, and to hopefully show over the summer!

What advice do you have for someone who wants to be a TLE guest writer or have a submission piece published?: Pick something you have knowledge on or an interest in. If you don’t have an interest, or aren’t already knowledgeable on the piece, it will be hard to write, and to read.

When you’re not riding, how do you unwind?: I listen to music and go on social media, but because I’m a junior there is usually always homework I should be doing.

What are your long-term riding goals?: When I go to college I hope to be on the equestrian team.

If you could ride any “famous” horse, which would it be?: Probably Brunello.

If you could clinic with any big name rider who would it be?: If I had to do any clinic I think it would be with George Morris.

What is your biggest riding strength? Weakness?: Weakness – Sitting straight, I tend to lean one way; Strength – I’m very committed to riding and try to put as much time in as possible.

Name your 3 must have equestrian brands. Ecogold Half Pad; Ariat Heritage Tall Boots; Leather Horse Name Belt

Name your 3 must have equestrian apparel brands.: Riding Sport Winter Coat; Tailored Sportsmen Breeches; Noble Outfitters Long Sleeve Shirts

Betsee Parker’s money & horses or McLain Ward’s equitation?: McLain Ward’s equitation

Who is your favorite big name rider and why?: Beezie Madden because she’s a very exciting rider to watch, especially on Cortes C.

What has been your biggest riding accomplishment thus far?: I mainly just enjoy riding and progressing with my horses.

What has been your biggest personal accomplishment thus far?: I would have to say juggling Junior year (so far). Between AP classes, TLE, JMR [Judge My Ride], riding, and clubs, it hasn’t been easy.

Chloe & Levi at WEF. Photo Courtesy of Chloe Friedham.

Chloe & Levi at WEF. Photo Courtesy of Chloe Friedheim.

Do you have any other pets?: I have a dog, Cleo, who is a Westie

What’s your favorite riding season?: I love summer!

WEF or Ocala?: I’ve only been to the WEF show grounds, and from what I’ve heard I’d have to say WEF.

Favorite saddle brand?: Butet or CWD, unfortunately I have neither.

Tell us your favorite joke.

chloejoke

If you could change one thing about USEF rules, what would it be and why?: I think that having stricter rules or tighter enforcement on pony/horse measurements would be beneficial.

What are your favorite non-horse-related makeup and clothing brands?: I just got Tommy Hilfiger snow boots that I absolutely love, and would definitely recommend!

Leave a Comment · Filed Under: Guest Posts, Horses, Q&A, Question & Answer

January 20, 2016

Getting to know you… Guest Writer Erin Post

I do a lot of interviews with “big name” riders, and I thought it would be a good idea to do an interview with each of our guest writers and editors so y’all can get a better idea of the people behind the blog. Our first interview is with Erin Post, who also happens to be our newest guest writer. While Erin writes about everything, her main focus is dealing with mental blocks while riding and putting together budget friendly ROOTDs and TOOTDs (Tack Outfits of the Day).

How did you get into riding?: I wanted to ride when I was little, but my parents always worried I would get hurt, so they made me wait until college (so… age 17). I joined my college’s equestrian club, and started taking lessons with their trainer!

How long have you been riding?: I have been riding for 4 years.

Photo Courtesy of Erin Post.

Photo Courtesy of Erin Post.

Where are you from?: Born and raised in Maryland, but I just moved to New Jersey 10 months ago. (Editor’s Note: Erin actually lives about 5 minutes away from me and trains with my old trainer – how cool is that?)

Are you in college? If so, what’s your major?: I’m a junior at the College of Saint Elizabeth, and I major in Communications with a focus in Public Relations.

How often do you ride?: I’m at the barn 2-3 times a week.

What discipline do you ride?: English Hunter.

Do you show? In what divisions?: Nope (personal choice).

Photo Courtesy of Erin Post.

Photo Courtesy of Erin Post.

Do you own or lease a horse? Tell us about him or her.: I just got out of a lease in December, and I’m looking into new leases once I get more financially stable. Cassie was my old lease horse, and I loved her to death. She taught me how to be confident in and out of the saddle. Unfortunately, I had to switch barns and now I ride a horse named Cookie Dough! I might eventually lease him. Who knows.

What made you want to write for TLE?: Well, I love to write, and I love writing about equestrian things. This blog is both of those, plus a great team. It’s nice to be able to voice yourself and have others who understand what you’re writing about. Plus, this blog has a huge audience, so it’s nice to get feedback.

What has been your favorite article you’ve written?: So far, I have only written a couple of articles for TLE, but my favorite has to be the one I wrote about riding with anxiety.

How do you come up with ideas for TLE articles?: Well, it started out with Jess asking me to write specific pieces, but then I began branching off into my own ideas. My specific contribution to TLE is researching and reviewing everything that budget friendly, so normally my posts are related to this (but sometimes not). If I get excited about a new item I bought, or items I own that I love, I want to write about it.

What are your riding goals for this year?: Learning to relax in the saddle and enjoy cantering. Stop letting unreasonable fear get in the way of my riding.

What advice do you have for someone who wants to be a TLE guest writer or have a submission piece published?: Submit it even if you think it sucks. Don’t take harsh criticism to heart because not everyone will like your writing, and it’ll only make you better. Don’t give up even if you think your best isn’t good enough. Every writer starts somewhere.

Photo Courtesy of Erin Post.

Photo Courtesy of Erin Post.

When you’re not riding, how do you unwind?: I love to shop and I go to a lot of All Time Low concerts!

What are your long-term riding goals?: Be confident and learn to jump.

If you could ride any “famous” horse, which would it be?: Mystery Whisper (Phillip Dutton).

If you could clinic with any big name rider who would it be?: Reed Kessler.

What is your biggest riding strength? Weakness?: Strength: I work hard and give it 110% every lesson Weakness: My mind.

Name your 3 must have equestrian brands.: Ogilvy, Lettia, Ariat

Name your 3 must have equestrian apparel brands.: Kerrits, Mountain Horse, Joules

Betsee Parker’s money & horses or McLain Ward’s equitation?: McLain Ward’s eq

Who is your favorite big name rider and why?: Probably Reed Kessler because of all she has accomplished, and I’ve been able to see her compete live numerous times before, and it’s amazing how easy she makes everything look.

What has been your biggest riding accomplishment thus far?: Cantering, because mentally I have been battling myself on this forever.

What has been your biggest personal accomplishment thus far?: Not falling off at a canter hahaha

Do you have any other pets?: Yes, a Maltese named Winnie!

What’s your favorite riding season?: Spring.

WEF or Ocala?: WEF

Favorite saddle brand?: M. Toulouse.

Tell us your favorite joke.

erinpostjoke

If you could change one thing about USEF rules, what would it be and why?: I don’t know enough about USEF rules to answer this question.

What are your favorite non-horse-related makeup and clothing brands?: Too Faced, Urban Decay, Buxom, NARS, Tarte, Smashbox | American Eagle, Forever21, Michael Kors, Ralph Lauren, PINK by Victoria’s Secret, Calvin Klein.

Erin can be found on:

  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • Ask.fm

Leave a Comment · Filed Under: Guest Posts, Q&A, Question & Answer, Rider Interviews, Spotlight on...

October 5, 2015

A look inside the LGBTQIA+ equestrian community…

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LGBTQIA+ issues have been in the media recently due to the Supreme Court’s ruling on same-sex marriage, also known as just marriage, as well as Caitlyn Jenner coming out as transgender. This has sparked dialogue amongst others, and it has had its fair share of very negative, degrading, and disparaging comments.

For those of you that have followed this blog and my social media accounts for a while, you may have noticed that I’m private about my personal life. So – some of you may not have known that I have a boyfriend. A few months ago, I was asked via my Ask.fm whether my boyfriend was transgender. I chose to ask that person to message me personally because I didn’t feel comfortable discussing that with someone that was anonymous, and it led to multiple harassing, degrading comments. However, what struck me most about the original question is that the person felt someone of “my influence” could start a positive conversation about trans issues and education about the trans community. I never thought of it this way, and after talking to my boyfriend about the whole thing, decided to allow one more piece of my personal life become a part of this blog.

I’ve answered a lot of questions since then – some of them rude; some of them genuinely curious (By the way, it’s never okay to ask someone what they do in the bedroom, especially when you don’t know that person or their significant other, or if your significant other has had a sex change, if they happen to be trans) – and after speaking with a good friend on Twitter, I decided to put together this post – a survey of LGBTQIA+ equestrians. It is not as diverse as I’d like, but I also recognize that many individuals still do not feel comfortable discussing their sexuality, so please note that I tried as hard as possible to gain many diverse viewpoints. I think these issues do need to be pushed to the forefront as they are very important and obviously something that has high visibility today.

Also, it’s no secret that the equestrian community tends to fall a bit more on the conservative side. I was curious to see how this has affected equestrians who identified as anything other than ‘straight.’ I interviewed several equestrians that fell on different parts of the gender identity and sexuality spectrum. Some of the equestrians declined to be identified for personal privacy reasons which is why they are either not identified at all or only referred to by their Twitter handle. I hope this post helps to generate positive discussion and awareness.

To start, I am going to talk about myself because if I am asking other equestrians to be open – then I should be too. I have always been incredibly open-minded – maybe too much so – if there is such a thing. When it comes to gender, I identify as female. When it comes to sexuality, I am more fluid and flexible. I consider myself to be pansexual. I received some asks wondering exactly what pansexual meant, and the best way I describe it is that I am attracted to a person, irrespective of their gender identity or sexuality. Historically, though, I have date straight males and consider myself to be pretty much on the straight side of the sexuality spectrum. However, I am not opposed to pointing out when another woman is attractive (and no, I do not need to say “no homo” and neither should you). There is nothing wrong with recognizing that someone of the same gender is attractive. If you are confident with yourself and secure with your sexuality, you should be able to point out who you find attractive – whether the same gender as you or not – without qualifying it with “I’m not gay but…”

For a more detailed definition of what pansexual is, you can go here.

I’ve never really felt direct discrimination from people I know personally, though I have suspected it indirectly. After coming out to an equestrian regarding my relationship, I coincidentally lost that friendship, but other than that, everyone has been super supportive. My current barn family is extremely accepting of who I am and of my relationship, and I could not be more thankful for that. (Editor’s Note: Many of you have requested to follow my boyfriend on Instagram because you’ve seen me tagged in his photos. Out of respect for his privacy, I ask that you stop doing so unless you know me personally or we are close online. He often gives me his phone to go through his requests, so if he does not accept you; it is not him personally; it’s me being the “gatekeeper.” I do want some parts of my life to remain private).

I am going to break my interviews down by sexual preference or gender identity. Each one will have a header in bold, and you can hit CTRL + F to see if a certain sexual preference or gender identity is on here. I have tried to get as many sexual preferences and gender identities as possible so that this article is all inclusive.

Asexual

My first interview was with @RaverEquestrian “Raver” who wanted to be identified solely as her Twitter handle. Raver identifies as a heteroromantic asexual female. What is asexuality, you ask?

“Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, I don’t feel the urge to have sex with anybody,” Raver said. “However we can have sex, masturbate, ect. (sic) It’s just we don’t feel like we want to have sex with any gender/people. I am romantically attracted to males, which means I only want a romantic relationship with no sex.”

Raver said she has always been very “sex repulsed.” She was called “prude, immature, and a baby.”

“I remember a friend saying ‘[o]ne day a guy will make you want to have sex. If not he’ll just rape you so enjoy it.’ And it stuck with me. Last November I learned about asexuality through [T]umblr and identified since.”

Raver is out to Twitter followers and to her friends, who she said are very supportive. However, she has found it hard to come out to her family whom she describes as “very conservative.”

Unfortunately, Raver has experienced a lot of harassment due to her sexual identity.

“I have been harassed for being a prude. Many guys have tried to ‘fix me,’ but I really only like one guy right now, and he’s very much like me,” she said. “I can imagine he is demisexual just due to his behaviour (sic), and he tends to talk about not having children and finding sex stupid. I was harassed by my former friend who also physically and verbally abused me. She used to try and make sexual advances [towards] me to show how sex isn’t bad which has caused me to go through a period of sex repulsion before becoming more comfortable with the idea of sex. I currently am sex=neutral and positive…”

Raver said that she has become popular online and has actually helpedd people come to terms with their own sexuality.

“I honestly never imagined I would become more well-known for being a social justice advocate and proud member of the LGBTQIA+ community than I would have for raving and riding,” she said. (Raver & I share a love for EDM and horses which is why we are such good friends. Oh, and we both love what some have dubbed the “armpit of America.”)

When asked about the conservatism of the equestrian world and whether she feels the equestrian world is acceptive of the LGBTQIA+ community, Raver said:

“I believe we are half and half with liberals and conservatives. I generally ignore people who are rude that respond to me on Twitter. I am not at all conservative in riding and politics so I’ve been made fun of. I brush it off as opinions are not fact. I think we have accepted that ‘most male riders are gay,’ which I don’t believe. I believe more gay male riders are popular online as I’ve really only come across 2 gay men out of 10 straight men.”

Raver believes the sport itself is becoming more liberal. As a dressage rider, she owns a sparkly JR8 Charles Own, a navy jacket with “tons of bling accents” and a small rhinestone browband (on occasion).

Raver thinks that more awareness is needed regarding LGBTQIA+ issues.

“There are more than just two genders! Bisexuality and pansexuals are NOT the same! Asexuals feel love! Aromantics can be sexual and still love platonically! Intersex is an actual biological thing that DOES NOT need to be fixed! We are on a spectrum of gender identity and sexual and romantic orientation! There’s even more orientations!” She said. “You can be sensually attracted to people which means you crave their touch (not generally sexually) or love their aesthetics, which means you are attracted to their looks … The community is open for all and we’re not “recruiting” or “going to hell”; we’re just being ourselves. We were born like this. I can’t just magically be sexually attracted to every man I see.”

Raver hasn’t experienced any negativity associated with being “out.” She hopes that she can be out and become a professional rider. She also does not believe her sexual identity should lower her scores in any way.

When asked about advice for those who are afraid to come out, Raver said:

“Don’t come out if you can’t guarantee safety! This is number one,” she said. “If you’re afraid your parents would kick you out, just wait. I know it sucks, but that’s my life right now. If you are safe, do it however you like and whenever. It’s a relief to tell close friends how you feel and many will be supportive. Be proud of your sexuality. I have the asexual flag in my Twitter [avatar] now because I am a proud asexual. Be as ___sexual/romantic/gender as you want!”

One thing Raver wants others to know about identifying as asexual is that an asexual individual can still find someone attractive. Being attracted to a man, woman, or other gender does not mean the person’s asexuality goes away. Asexual goes beyond physical attraction.

Overall, Raver feels that equestrians should be known for what they do not to whom they are attracted.

“We don’t want to be just labeled ‘[T]he gay who ran 100M in record time’ or ‘The bisexual scored the winning World Cup goal’ because that isn’t cool. What if I said ‘The straight won an Oscar’? Sounds kinda stupid[,] right?”

Bisexual

I spoke with QueenQuarter (“Quarter”), also from Twitter. She did not want to be identified by anything other than her Twitter handle. She identifies as bisexual which means she is “attracted to both males and females equally and indiscriminately.”

“My freshman year of high school I was curious about the same gender but didn’t officially come to realization with my sexuality until my sophomore year; even then, I tried to deny it as friends who were far from ignorant tried playfully ‘shoving me out of the closet’ before I came to terms with who I was,” Quarter said.

Note: It is never okay to out someone before they are ready. Don’t do this.

Quarter said she is out amongst her close friends and people in school; however, she is not out to her family or her parents. Although Quarter said her dad is “incredibly accepting,” she does not think he would 100 percent approve of her bisexuality. Additionally, her mom does not agree with what her mom terms “the gays.” She also did not really have to come out due to having an intimate relationship with a close friend who identifies as a lesbian.

“…[M]y friends found out, but I am lucky enough to have incredibly accepting friends, and though I currently have a boyfriend, he knows who I am and keeps just as careful of an eye out for females making moves on me as he does with males,” she said.

According to Quarter, her sexual identity has not affected her riding or anything in the equestrian world. However, her sexuality also is not “very out there.” Quarter has a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy meaning she doesn’t really broadcast her sexuality unless asked by someone.

“…[Q]uite a few of the girls at my barn know, but there’s quite a few people out there who identify as gay or lesbian, so they are all very accepting,” Quarter said.

Quarter also said she has never met any “homophobes” in the equestrian world.

“Everyone I come across doesn’t really seem to mind, and I think I have been very lucky, as the equestrian stereotype does seem a bit homophobic to me,” she explained.

Although Quarter does think anything needs more or less attention when it comes to LGBTQIA+ issues, she did say this:

“We are people, just like everyone else[.] We only want the same rights and freedoms and less slander from people on the street who don’t necessarily agree with it. If you believe your religion is against anything in this community, that’s okay. But, that comes with a general rule: Just because someone of a different religion dislikes something that your religion doesn’t mind doesn’t give them the right to protest what you are doing or say it is right or wrong, as everyone has the right to life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness – given the fact that your pursuit does not hinder someone else’s,” she said. “…I believe government should try and implement something that protects people from blatant slander and protest such as happens on the streets.”

Quarter stated she has a very outspoken, bisexual trainer, and she feels that while being “out” would not put her at a disadvantage in the equestrian world, if anything was to be said, she would be backed up by multiple friends.

Quarter’s advice for other members of the LGBTQIA+ community was:

“People may be kind; people may also be unaccepting. Whatever happens, you continue to stay true to yourself. The only other being in this sport that matters other than yourself is your horse. And I promise that your horse does not care. You are the same as you have always been, and at the end of the day, as long as they have a loving rider and a nice place to sleep and food, they will be happy. ”

Finally, Quarter asked that everyone “love unconditionally.”

“You never know what kind of day someone could be having, and this is not just about this large and growing community, but about life and people in general,” she said. “Being kind, no matter how much or little, or what someone has to offer you will take you farther than you could ever imagine.”

Another rider, Kate, also identifies as bisexual. She realized her sexual identity in 10th grade.

“We were having a volleyball party,” Kate said. “I was dared to kiss one of the other girls, and after the fact I wasn’t as freaked out about it as the other girls. Then, I just slowly came to realize I viewed girls in the same scenarios as I would boys when it came to dating and whatnot.”

Kate is currently out to her friends and other people with whom she is close. She is also out to her parents who reacted in an interesting way.

“My mom actually told me she thought I was a lesbian growing up, so she had prepared herself for something like this, and my dad just didn’t care one way or another,” Kate said. “Most of my immediate family was fine too[;] there was one aunt I didn’t want to tell, but it got out to her anyway.”

Part of the reason Kate didn’t want to come out to this specific aunt was because of how religious the aunt was.

“…she called my Jewish side of the family once to tell them she found them a loophole to get into heaven. I got the same kind of call [after coming out] only that I was going to hell and an abomination to this world.”

Additionally, Kate hasn’t really come out to anyone in school.

“…I didn’t want to deal with it. I got bullied for ‘being a lesbian’ which I’m not, and it really shouldn’t matter if I was,” she said.

Kate, unlike most of the others I interviewed, has had some backlash regarding her sexual identity when it comes to the equestrian world.

“I’ve had some girls on the A Circuit tell me they didn’t want me too close to the because I would ‘rub off on them,’ she said. “It was a really weird experience. For the most part my trainers treat me the same, and everybody at my home barn doesn’t care.”

Kate said that she doesn’t want to sound like she is generalizing, but the hunter and equitation riders with whom she competes with at shows are the ones “who disliked it [her sexual identity] the most.”

“Otherwise I’m part of a team, with my horse (who doesn’t care as long as I have food for him) and a wonderful show team who loves me the way I am!” She said.

Kate wishes people knew “[t]hat just because we are accepting doesn’t mean we want to force being one of us down your throat. We can’t change who you are[;] we don’t want to change who you are[;] we just want to be accepted as ‘normal.'”

Kate has also found that competing on the West Coast, for her, has been much different than competing on the East Coast.

“Having shown on the [W]est [C]oast…, you’re much less likely to find people that are derogatory towards our community. I think that has to do with the way those states tend to be governed. They’re more liberal … Now I’ve also been on the [E]ast [C]oast … and they’re much more conservative. The vast majority of people won’t say anything to your face, but you can feel them staring behind your back. I can’t say for the rest of the world or other disciplines,” Kate said.

Kate had this to say to those who are scared to come out and to those who are also members of the LGBTQIA+ community.

“You’re a beautiful human who is perfect just the way [you] are, however that may be! You can’t let other people get in the way of feeling beautiful too. People that don’t like you just the way you are aren’t worth your time – not your time spent worrying or your time spent thinking about them. Surround yourself with people who do accept you and forget about the ones that don’t. If you love you, everybody else will too.”

She continued, “[b]eing seen with someone from the LGBTQIA+ community doesn’t make you any less of a person. They were born that way, just as us you were born you. You can’t change them, and they can’t change you. Hating them for it only makes them hate themselves, it doesn’t change who they are fundamentally.”

Kate suggests being kind to everyone as “you never know where they could’ve gone or who they could’ve been before somebody bullied them for something they didn’t choose, and they can’t change.”

Pansexual / Bisexual

SmallTownTrainer (“Small Town”) is another equestrian that identifies as bisexual, though she said that pansexual is a better label. According to her, “biological sex, gender, and gender identity play no part in [her] preferences.”

“When it comes to sexual attraction, I don’t see gender,” Small Town said.

Small Town said that high school was the time when she realized she wasn’t straight. She had the same feelings for the “cute drama guy as [she] did for the sexy cheerleader.” She didn’t learn what she really was until college after having more experiences, and that is when she knew she was pansexual.

Small Town, unlike some others, is not “out” at all; although some of her friends do know. She follows a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, which most people don’t violate. Additionally, she tried to come out to her mom once, and her mom interrupted her by saying, “well, we all know you’re straight so it doesn’t matter.”

Small Town has never experienced any direct harassment or discrimination based on her sexual preferences or identity. However, she said this:

“I once listened to a barn owner I worked for tell me she would never hire any ‘queers’ because it would cause too much drama. I have had many derogatory remarks about bisexuals said to me without people ever realizing,” Small Town said. “It always made me hate myself to hear that bisexuals are just confused or that gays don’t deserve rights. I don’t think I would still be here if they [the comments] were directed towards me.”

According to Small Town, no one cared what was done outside of the barn while she was in college.

“[Our] equestrian team was like an episode of Jersey Shore but with hungover girls trying to show at the end. I still have a shot glass that says Purdue Horse Show from my first place. After college I felt the pressure to stay quiet about my sexuality,” Small Town explained. “As far as the people at the barns I worked at knew I never had sex which made it really hard to see my girlfriend at the time when I worked seven days a week. Later when I tried to become a trainer on my own one of my clients found out. Somehow almost all of my clients found out. It became frustrating when clients would come out while I was training, not to watch me ride but to ask me questions. “

Small Town feels that the equestrian community, as a whole, comes off as conservative but tries to pretend they aren’t – mainly in how they treat male equestrians.

“Especially in the English world a male equestrian is allowed to be guy. However said male equestrian will get strange looks if he brings his boyfriend to a show,” Small Town said. “However I feel for women it’s even more taboo. As a women I am to have a man who helps around the barn and/or pays for everything. If it’s anything other than that it is a ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ policy. People are willing to ignore those who are different.”

If Small Town could educate people on one thing, it would be this: “It is not all about being confused and we are not going through a phase. There are feelings involved that are often not fully understood. Just because those feelings are different does not mean they are wrong.”

According to Small Town, she believes that being “out” in the equestrian world does the following: “All of a sudden no one is talking about your most recent show or your horses improvement. It is more about your sexuality and questions about it.”

Small Town also emphasized that no matter what your sexual orientation or gender identity is, there is nothing wrong with you. Small Town also said that if you’re afraid to come out, it doesn’t mean you’re weak – it just means you’re human.

Lesbian/Queer

SJWEquestrian (“SJW”) identifies most as lesbian/queer. According to her, this just means that she is “pretty much just attracted to women.” SJW realized she was attracted to women before she realized she wasn’t attracted to men, and this was around age 12, though she did think it was “just a phase.”

SJW is “out” to close friends and on her Twitter account but not yet to her family. She came out as a lesbian to her best friends when she was about 20 years old.

“I decided to finally tell them because I was sick of them trying to set me up with guys!” She said. “I sent them an email[,] and I was so scared[,] but they ended up being really supportive.”

SJW said she hasn’t really been the target of any bullying, harassment, or discrimination since junior high when some girls used to make fun of her and call her a lesbian because she never had a crush on any guys.

“I used to get so upset[,] but now I just wish that I had as good of gaydar as they did! Nowadays it’s mostly dealing with people saying derogatory things about the LGBTQIA community when I’m around because they don’t know that I’m queer. While it helps me figure out who I should keep in my life, it still hurts sometimes,” she said.

Because SJW is not fully out, her sexual orientation has not affected her too much in the equestrian world, though she hasn’t ruled out that it might once she does fully come out.

When asked about how conservative the equestrian community tends to be, SJW stated:

“The equestrian community is kind of strange in that even though a lot of the members are very conservative, they are usually very pro-LGBTQIA rights,” she said. “For example, I’d say that most of the people at my barn vote Republican, but at the same time they’re also very supportive of the LGBTQIA community. Even though I disagree with them on a lot of other issues, it’s nice having a safe space where people are generally very accepting.”

SJW said that even though same-sex marriage has been legalized in the United States, there are still many steps that need to be taken and hurdles that need to be overcome.

“For example, I can legally get fired in my state for being gay, and I don’t think that a lot of straight people realize that,” SJW said. “I also think that we need to address the very high suicide attempt rate of teens in the LGBTQIA community. I think that a lot of LGBTQIA teens feel very alone because there still isn’t a lot of discussion about LGBTQIA issues in school and that can get confusing, and adolescence is already pretty confusing. Add bullying and rejection by family and friends, and it’s very easy to get overwhelmed.”

SJW thinks that sexual education in schools should become more friendly towards LGBTQIA individuals and issues and less heteronormative, such as including queer historical figures.

When asked what is most misunderstood about the LGBTQIA community, SJW felt that many “conservatives” felt the community is a “a wild bunch of people who want to take over their lives and corrupt their children with the gay agenda.”

“In reality, I’m actually really boring! I just want to find a good job, maybe find someone to marry, and play with my pony when I have the free time!” She said.

If SJW were to come out to those at her barn, she feels most would be very accepting.

SJW had this advice for those who may be afraid to come out:

“I would recommend to be safe but be yourself!” She said. “If you’re afraid of being thrown out of the house for being queer, I’d highly recommend waiting until you’re financially independent to come out. It sucks, but it’ll keep you safe. After that be free!”

Finally, her once piece of advice? “Keep on fighting! Educate other people too! Share LGBTQIA positive posts on social media because you never know who’ll see them and realize that they’re not quite as straight as they thought. Maybe your homophobic aunt will even learn a thing or two from them!”

She also encouraged anyone who needed advice to contact her via her Twitter account.

—

I hope this article has helped those of you who either didn’t understand some aspects of the LGBTQIA+ community, are members of the community and were afraid to come out and be who you are, or who had questions that had remained unanswered. Of course, if you ever have any questions, I am always available, whether it’s via email, Twitter DM, Facebook private message, or Ask.fm. Please note, though, that invasive, derogatory comments and questions will not be entertained, and you will be blocked from contacting me.

10 Comments · Filed Under: Interviews, Personal, Q&A, Question & Answer

July 30, 2015

Q&A: How do I tell my trainer I’m switching barns?

I get this question a lot, so I decided to do a post on it. This is a tough situation to be in, especially if you’ve had a working relationship with your trainer for a while; if you’re good friends with your trainer; or if you simply just feel awkward about leaving and have no “good” reasons to leave (ie. your horse isn’t in danger). Note: This also applies to telling barn managers or barn owners; basically, the person to whom you have to give notice when you are leaving.

I’ve moved barns many times for many reasons, and I’ve compiled some tips over the years that have become helpful when it comes time to move on to a new facility. Hopefully these will help you if you ever are in a situation where you’re thinking of moving barns!

Do write down why you’re leaving. Sometimes the easiest thing you can do is gather your thoughts. Get clear on why you want to leave your barn. This will help you vocalize your thoughts when you have the inevitable sit-down with your barn manager, trainer, or barn owners. Additionally, you will be able to see your reasons on paper and know if they are legitimate reasons for leaving or if they are something that can be fixed with a simple chat with your trainer/barn manager/barn owners.

Don’t feel guilty. I have often talked to riders who felt guilty about leaving, especially if they had a great relationship with their trainer or if their trainer had done a lot for them. That’s okay! We’re only human. However, if you want to move up a division or want to try a new discipline and your trainer just does not offer that skill or have that capability, you should not feel guilty about going somewhere that can help you get to where you want to go. Horseback riding is incredibly expensive, and you should not be shelling out thousands of dollars every month to do something you don’t want to do.

Do be professional. When you do sit down with whomever you have to give notice to, don’t play the blame game. Don’t tell them why it’s their fault you’re leaving or everything they did wrong. Be grateful for what they did for you. Thank them for their time and services. Explain to them that you feel it is just time to move on. If at any point the situation escalates (this can and does happen) simple remove yourself from it. Do not engage in any drama or BS. You are here to express your wishes for your horse and your riding. You don’t want to get into an argument about why you are leaving facilities. If you want to leave, you have every right to do so (barring whether you owe money – that’s a whole different story).

Don’t be defensive. If you go into the “talk” with a defensive attitude, it’s going to rub off on your barn managers/barn owners/trainer. Be positive and uplifting. Don’t expect everything to automatically go poorly. Your trainer, barn manager, or barn owner could take things very well (in fact, I recently helped someone who had this exact thing happen to them). Going into the “talk” with an attitude and expecting bad results is only going to produce bad results – a self-fulfilling prophecy if you will.

Do know you are making the right decision. If you are confident in your decision, then nothing should hold you back. Do take the time to sit down and think about whether you want to switch facilities. If you do, then do it and don’t look back. Do your research about your new barn and your new trainer. If you do your homework, you will be sure to end up in a better place than you were before. This isn’t to say that your old facility was a piece of you-know-what; it just means that you will be on your way to improving your riding and love of the sport, which is what you wanted in the first place, right? Have the confidence to know that by switching facilities, you are doing the right thing for yourself, your horse, and your riding career. Don’t let your trainer, barn managers, or barn owners take that away from you, make you feel guilty, or make you feel like you are making a bad decision just because they don’t want to lose you as a client.

Don’t give last minute notice. Many, if not all, boarding contracts have a notice requirement – and that requirement is usually 30 days. Nothing is more annoying than giving less than 30 days notice that you are moving. Don’t be that boarder that tells your barn manager, barn owner, or trainer that you will be moving barns less than 30 days before you move. If you do have to do this, it is customary to pay for the upcoming month in full since you broke the notice requirement. Give as much notice as practicable. This will not only make you look more professional but also save you from burning a bridge that you may need in the future.

Leave a Comment · Filed Under: Horse Advice, Horses, Q&A, Question & Answer, Riding Tips

July 28, 2015

Q&A, Part II: Should I go to law school? (The perks)

I recently wrote a post addressing a question I often receive: Should I go to law school? My post, while some thought a bit negative, I believe to be realistic. The legal market is not in good shape right now, and it is extremely hard to find a job. Many job listings are looking for mid-level associates (those with 3-5 years of experience – hard to get if you just graduate and only have maybe a year and a half of internship experience) or for those with at least 10 years of experience (I don’t think I need to get into that one).

Despite the grim state of the legal market (right now), it is much better than it was a few years ago, and according to some news outlets, it is bouncing back. So, why should you go to law school?

Because you love the law. If you have a passion for law and all things legal, law school is for you. The 3 years you are there are spent reading about the law, writing about the law, being awkwardly called on spontaneously and mostly without warning about the law, doing internships, and other activities involving the law, etc. You will enjoy law school and definitely enjoy whatever job you land after you graduate.

Because you want to help people. Being a lawyer, for the most part, is about helping people. In all of my internships, I have helped various members of the population from different demographics. It can be depressing, but knowing that you made a difference in someone’s life makes it worth it at the end of the day. Plus, there are so many areas of the law in which you can help people that you are bound to find something that interests you whether its the law of older people (yes, that exists), family law, personal injury law, etc. You will be making a difference in your client’s life, and that is especially rewarding.

Because you have a passion for working long hours. Law involves long hours, especially if you work at a big firm. However, not everyone minds working long hours. If you’re one of those people, then aiming for a big law job might be the perfect idea for you. I have friends that work from 8:30 in the morning until 7 at night. I know others than work from 9 am to 3 am, if they’re lucky. Being comfortable with working crazy, long, and sometimes unreasonable hours is essential, especially if you are aiming to work for a big law firm, and if you’re okay with that, the legal profession is definitely right for you. Note: Not all legal jobs are like this. Government and public sector jobs tend to be 9 to 5, as are corporate jobs, for the most part.

Because you want to make money. It’s not a secret that the legal profession, if you get the right job, pays a lot of money. Many law firms will start first year associates at a six figure salary. If you also clerk for a judge the year before you join the law firm, you may get a bonus. I found a firm once that offered a six figure starting salary plus a $50,000 bonus just for clerking. Like I said in my last post, don’t go into the legal profession because you want to make money – you’re not guaranteed to get a job like the one I mentioned above – but if you do well and go to a good school, you’re more likely get hired by one of those companies that pays their lawyers very, very well.

Because you want to learn the intricacies of the legal system and be a part of that world. If you want to be a part of the legal world and know how the legal system works, going to law school is the perfect way to learn. You are highly encouraged to take internships during your summers and even during the semester at law school. These are extremely important for experience, job prospects, and for learning. Law school doesn’t do much to prepare you for legal practice – though it does prepare you on how to read and interpret cases. However, those internships will do wonders for your experience and immersion into the legal world.

You can’t imagine yourself being anything other than an attorney. I think this speaks for itself. If you have always wanted to be an attorney and can’t imagine not being one, then obviously law school is right for you.

You are willing to make certain sacrifices early on to be financially stable and successful later in life. Sometimes your career will involve long hours. You may have to forego riding; seeing your friends, family, or significant other; going out on the weekends; or even eating normal meals when it comes to your job. Your plan for having a family by 30 may be put on hold due to the long hours being asked of you at a firm. You will be asked to make sacrifices. I highlighted some of the ones I’ve heard of in my previous post. But – if you don’t mind doing so, then by all means, law may be right for you – especially a job at a big law firm – one that may not let you go home at 5 because there’s a huge trial happening the next day. The upside of making these sacrifices? You may make partner in a firm or at least become a senior associate a lot faster than those who aren’t willing to make the sacrifices. Being a partner or senior associate not only means a higher paycheck but also a more stable, satisfying job (Read: Remember when you were a lowly associate? Now you will have your own that reports to you).

While law school and the legal profession can be miserable, taxing, and downright frustrating, there are many rewards associated with it. Sometimes it’s hard to recognize those, especially when you are down on your job. Not everything about being a lawyer is completely negative, and if this is something you want to do, it’s best to educate yourself on both sides of the profession – not just the positive and not just the negative. Weigh the pros and cons, and consider what’s in your heart. You will make the right decision.

As always, I am always here to answer any questions having gone through the law school application process, law school, internships, job searching, post-graduate work, etc. If you have a question, you can tweet me, Facebook me, or shoot me an email. I would love to hear from you and give you advice, if I can!

Leave a Comment · Filed Under: Equestrian Health, Legal, Q&A, Question & Answer

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amateur hunter/eq rider. lawyer. entrepreneur.
two horses, one pony.
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